“Life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced.” ―Søren Kierkegaard
In my 20’s, I was just introduced to lighting. I had no idea that it was a real profession nor that it could be one I’d be interested in pursuing. I had started in "The Theatre" for acting. After quickly discovering that I was not good at sucking up for parts, I leaned on my math and science aptitude and worked for the technical crew. I started in sound then moved to electrical and lighting. It was here that I discovered something that equally challenged my creative interests and my science nerd self. I began then what would become a long relationship with lighting and its impact on people and spaces. In my 30’s, I was fortunate to work for a very well regarded architectural lighting design firm in the Washington D.C area that further molded my knowledge of the field and the profession itself. I learned about calculations and applications of fixtures; which were considered good fixtures and which were not. More importantly, I learned WHY those opinions were formed. I was exposed to the relationships with manufacturer’s representatives (reps) and how they provided the services that we would count on. Thus began my relationship with the tools of my trade and the assessment of them. Later in my 30’s and early 40’s, I had started my own firm. I had a whole new set of relationships to juggle: clients, financial, industry association involvement, and eventually, employees. I learned that it was not the quantity of any of these that led to success, but the quality of who they were. I learned that there are levels of trust that are to be guarded and slowly bled out as I became more comfortable with whom I am dealing. I began the process of differentiating personal and professional relationships and came to find that while they can indeed co-exist, they are rare and to be valued. I learned to give second chances to manufacturers and fixtures that I may have previously discarded, as they had evolved and gotten better. I feel I would be a lesser designer to not know this and never give them a chance. Now, in my 50’s I have come to learn to continuously evaluate all relationships. Those that were started on agreement on common topics did not necessarily provide true insight to the ethics of the person inside. Some that started precariously and in some cases somewhat hostile, have come to be deeper relationships as we recognized and respected common ethical values and project interests. Manufacturers who were rejected by our firm for years have repented and we've begun anew through guarded relationships. I have come to really value those true friendships that I have made, some long standing and some fairly new. We share laughs, drinks, industry chatter, advice, and venting. In some ways, I found a lighting family. My lesson is this: never stop building and evaluating relationships. Don’t feel bad or guilty to discard old relationships or ones that are popular with others, but don’t work for you. Look at the underlying value that the relationship brings to the table, whether it be a person or a downlight. Don’t cast away possibilities because they don’t fit a popular model. Don’t burn bridges unless they are truly toxic and ones that you are ashamed to be in. With whom and what you associate does indeed say something about who you are as well. Acknowledge your growth, put your ego aside, and let your relationships be holistically bound within common moral, ethical, and life sharing values and experiences. Life is about making stories, and you don’t make them alone. But they sure are enjoyable with the right relationships and good people. -PETER
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